Vampirella/Red Sonja #1

This should have been terrible.

Teaming up Vampirella and Red Sonja seems like the sort of joke lonely comic book writers come up with after a long night of Dungeons and Dragons. If there is any connection between these two characters, it would only seem to be their interesting choices in attire. Vampirella--who isn't really a vampire, even though she kinda is and is actually an alien from the planet...uh...Drakulon, and Red Sonja, a chain mail bikini wearing warrior  who first appeared in the classic Seventies run of Marvel Comics' Conan The Barbarian--don't really seem to fit together in any story that isn't written by an overexcited teenager.

And yet--in the biggest surprise of 2019-- this turned out to be a very good comic.

Written by Jordie Bellaire with art by Drew Moss, the issue is set in 1969 Russia. Vampirella--who goes by 'Ella'--is investigating a grisly series of murders on the Dyatlov Pass. Nine people dead, tongues ripped out, that sort of thing.  Ella is doing this partly because she is drawn to 'dark synchronicities'  and also because she hopes to find other 'monsters' living on Earth, far from home like herself. Posing as a journalist, she follows the lead to the Russian Space Agency, which in turn leads to a surprising discovery high in the Russian mountains.

This issue felt like an episode of Night Stalker or X-Files, with a focus on tracking down leads and investigating a mystery. Men, of course, fall over Ella, but she brushes them away, far more interested in solving the mystery. Bellaire and Moss also make this feel like 1960s Russia, from the kitschy Space Agency to Ella's far more conservative fashion choices.  (For most of the book, her only nod to being a vampire alien is to wear a bat pendant over a red sweater.)

And yes, Red Sonja does appear--and it works. That's all I'll say. I was actually surprised by her appearance, because I'd forgotten she was supposed to be in the book, so wrapped up was I in Ella trying to solve the mystery and her observations on humanity.

Vampirella/Red Sonja surprised me with its quality both as a story and a comic. Wonders will never cease, etc.

The Secret History of Twin Peaks

For me, the story of Twin Peaks is the story of Laura Palmer.

Her murder and the horrors the subsequent investigation revealed are what drew me to Twin Peaks way back in 1990.  That first episode remains one of the most powerful and disturbing bits of television I have ever seen. After the network insisted on an answer to who killed Laura--or, perhaps, an answer people would understand--I felt the show derailed.  I'm not alone in that.

Fire Walk With Me--the prequel leading up to Laura's murder--also disappointed at the time. In the passing years, I've grown to like the movie more because of how it builds the foundation of this cold universe of dark woods, arcane symbols and unrelenting horror that Mark Frost and David Lynch were creating. I didn't like the portrayal of Laura in this film (but still loved Sheryl Lee's chilling performance) because I felt it showed Laura's murder was inevitable. In a sense, that she played a role in her own demise because of her behavior. If it wasn't BOB possessing her father that killed her, someone else would have done it. It was just a matter of time.

I felt this decision undercut the horror of the first season of the show, which was very much about the  shock and grief  unleashed upon a small town over the loss of one of its most beloved children. I can see the narrative appeal of showing the seedier side of small towns, of showing how even the prom queen is corrupt and broken--but it was unnecessary.

Which brings us to The Secret History of Twin Peaks.

This novel by Mark Frost has quite a bit in common with Twin Peaks: The Return:

1. It doesn't spend a lot of time in Twin Peaks.

2. It touches upon Laura Palmer's death, but it is not the focus.

3. Twin Peaks is simply an entryway for the cosmic mythology Frost and Lynch are creating.

These aren't criticisms. I was fascinated by The Return, and I really enjoyed Secret History.  The care that went into both endeavors--and the fact that they even got made--are amazing.

The framework of Secret History is built around the discovery of a lockbox by the FBI. Inside are several documents that relate to Twin Peaks and events around the town over the years. Gordon Cole tasks Agent Tammy Preston to review these documents and prepare a report. Her notes as she goes through the lockbox make up the novel. It's clear that this a test by Cole, which Tammy must have passed, since she is working alongside Cole in Twin Peaks: The Return.

The notes date back to the Lewis and Clark Expedition and extend through the 20th century up to the disappearance of Agent Cooper after Laura Palmer's death. Preston dutifully--and often sarcastically--makes her way through everything in the box. There are photographs, old newspaper clippings, even a menu from the Double R Diner. A picture is painted wide across the conspiracy theory landscape of America. Part of the fun of the book is simply wondering where it's going next. Towards the end, the focus does return to a certain northwestern small town, and to the death of its prom queen.  And then we learn that there are yet more files to go through in the next book.

I enjoyed the book quite a bit. The care that went into creating old manuscripts, Fifties era science fiction typesetting, and even garish pop psychology paperbacks deserves a round of applause. The design of the book makes it a joy to read.

Still, as a Laura Palmer fan, it's clear that her murder was just collateral damage from the real threat facing humanity. That threat is where Frost and Lynch's focus now lies. But Palmer's death was a concrete event (or was, depending on how you see The Return) that you can pin a story to. There is a reality to it. The Lynch/Frost universe of Lodges and BOBS and Dragonball Z Laura Palmer globes is nebulous and open to interpretation even to the point of it being all someone's dream. There can be no finality or resolution because even the idea of anything being real is questionable. The Lynch/Frost Universe and Palmer's death are different stories, and it's clear which one they want to tell now.

And that's fine. There is really nothing quite like Twin Peaks, and I treasure it for that, despite my grumblings.

Uncanny X-Men #6: Comics By Commitee

The only thing worse than a comic book written by committee is one written by a committee with their eyes on the clock.

This continues the rather uninspired Disassembled storyline in which X-Man has attempted to rewrite the world and our beloved X-Men are trying to stop him. It began courageously enough, with X-Man wiping out several religious sites and setting himself up as a sort of messiah. But that quickly devolved into a lot of fighting, speechifying, and the feeling that normal service will soon be resumed.

This issue is no different. The art looks rushed, with wasted two page spreads that do nothing that a single panel could have done. There are a lot of X-Men in this book, but far too many of them just stand around and look vaguely concerned. There is an attempt to focus on lesser known X-Men, but it's just so forced and painful, hinging on a young X-Men asking the deranged X-Man if he's like totally sure what he's doing is right.  This apparently gives him pause.

Yep.

If that's not enough, Jubilee is thrown through two walls of a house and is fine. Two walls. I've looked up her power set and there's nothing about invulnerability there.

The issue also ends with something that left me--an X-Men fan for over forty years--puzzled, and had to be explained by a sloppy editorial by the book's editor. The book also has three writers, and we all know how well that always goes, and it shows.

It's a mess, and to my horror, I have over a year's worth of this run in my collection. I'm slowly starting to realize that I buy a lot of Marvel and DC Comics because I love these characters and not because they are actually any good. Here is proof positive of that insight.

Event Leviathan: A Summer Event For The Nihilists

This book had me at 6 Issue Mystery Thriller.

Brian Michael Bendis is one of my favourite writers because he does street level superheroes so damned well. I loved his work on Daredevil and Jessica Jones, and his run on Avengers is my favourite after Jonathon Hickman's. (Yeah, yeah, I know Avengers isn't street level, but there were a lot of low level power people in his team, so street enough for me.)

So when Bendis came to DC, I thought for sure he'd go straight for a Batman book. But no, he went with the Superman books, and I thought: Huh. So now that he's writing a street level detective story starring you-know-who, I feel everything is right in the world. Mostly.

I've read the first two books in this, but not any of the many tie-ins. Fortunately, there is enough information given so that I wasn't a-swoon with confusion. Essentially, someone is wiping out all the intelligence organizations in the DC Universe: taking out entire buildings and the staff inside--although so far no one can find any bodies. The person behind all this is called Leviathan, and Batman has assembled a team of detectives to try and figure out just who this Leviathan is, and what their next move is. 

The team is interesting because it's clear these are the characters/toys Bendis wanted to play with: we have Batman, Green Arrow, and The Question--who you expect in a detective mystery--, but we also have interesting choices like Lois Lane, Plastic Man, and Manhunter.  Lois isn't really a surprise, since she is one of the most intelligent characters in the DC Universe these days, but seeing Manhunter again was nice.

Alex Maleev is the king of gritty urban art, and he doesn't disappoint here, with scenes of dirty buildings set against sky swallowing full moons and dark rooms swimming in shadows and imminent death. It's a joy.

About A Hit Girl

If you're looking for a comic with someone in a compromising situation with a Nintendo DS, then look no farther.

I enjoyed the second incarnation of Kick-Ass a few months ago, and thought I'd try another book from that bloodsoaked universe. Hit-Girl: Hong Kong is part of an ongoing tale where the murderous teenager dishes out justice to criminals all over the planet. Now, she's just landed in Hong Kong to deal with a triad. There will be blood, and probably lots of it.

Hit-Girl is basically the Punisher with pigtails. (In fact, there's a scene where she enters her new seedy apartment in Hong Kong and you can see an homage to the Punisher on the mailboxes). Just as the Punisher doesn't really fit into the Marvel Universe (because no heroes willingly kill but he offs at least three scumbags before breakfast), Hit-Girl is an odd fit in the Kick-Ass universe. The concept behind Kick-Ass is how a normal person could actually be a super-hero without getting killed, but Hit-Girl murders people with a grace not normally seen outside of a Hong Kong martial arts film. The narrative rules that keep things 'real' with Kick-Ass don't seem to apply to Hit-Girl. She always seems to be from a different comic.

So on her own, devoid of that relative sense of realism from the Kick-Ass books, there's never any feeling that Hit Girl ain't got this. Of course, since this is Book One of Four, complications arise because there are three other issues to go and something's gotta happen in those. But there's never a feeling that she won't succeed because, well, she's Hit-Girl.

So to offset that certainty and attendant surprise, we have scenes that will probably offend someone, somewhere. There's the Nintendo DS scene, and there's a page with someone walking down a hall that may cause some people to gasp. And a few of Hit-Girl's kills are fairly graphic, because, well, she's Hit-Girl.

Goran Parlov's art is very good, with a nice full page of Hong Kong seen at night as one of the highlights.  The action scenes are well choreographed, and his ability to convey emotion (mainly rage and disgust, which are the go-to emotions in this issue) are spot on.

Hit-Girl: Hong Kong Issue One sets up what it needs to in order to continue the carnage for the next three issues. It would be nice to have a bit more character development, but, well, this is Hit-Girl.

Adjective Noun Bad Guys Are The Best Bad Guys: Action Comics #1001

One of the best things about this story is that a brat sells out Superman for what looks like Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

Written by Brian Michael Bendis with beautiful art by Patrick Gleason, Action Comics #1001 is a good reminder of how good a character Superman can be--under the right hands.  Bendis's Superman is very much inspired by Christopher Reeve's interpretation of the hero from 1978's Superman: he's polite, floats away from mere mortals, and is just so goddamned nice.  But he's also somewhat god-like, so much so that people openly admit to being intimidated by him. Villains can't even say his name without him flying by to see what's up. He's like a universal CCTV with a smile.

With someone so powerful, Bendis realizes that few physical enemies can stop him. But even a common thug can befuddle the Kryptonian if he lacks one important thing: knowing just what in hell they're up to.

To this end, a group of gangsters have taken to having meetings in a lead tank, because lead is the only thing Superman can't see or hear through.  They also have code names named after food, which is wonderful because it's stupid, and I love stupid things.

This issue shows the shenanigans this food mafia is getting up to, all without Superman knowing the threat mobsters called Yogurt are up to. As well, it introduces a new enemy called Red Cloud. Red Cloud is my favourite type of villain: an adjective noun baddie, which shows how little it takes to please me.  Red Cloud is--you guessed it--a cloud person who is untouchable but can still murderize you if, say, you draw Superman's attention to you by giving a kid money for Yu-Gi-Oh cards to spread shit about Superman.

It's a fun comic, which is what all Superman comics should be.

Murder Hogwarts: Deadly Class Volume One

I like to read cheerful things, so when I heard about a comic about a school dedicated to creating murderous assassins, I said Count me in!

Deadly Class: 1987: Reagan Youth tells the uplifting tale of one Marcus Lopez Arguello. A homeless teenage boy, Marcus' family was destroyed directly because of cuts to mental health programs made by President Ronald Reagan. The trauma of losing his family was compounded by cruel abuse suffered as he was shuffled through the child services system. As a result, Marcus took some rather direct action against his abusers, and is now not only homeless, but on the run for murder.

When he's offered enrollment in the Kings Dominion School of The Deadly Arts, Marcus initially refuses. But it becomes clear that he was chosen not for his ability to kill, but for some other more humane quality he displays. After some convincing by a tattooed girl with a talent for katanas, he enrolls.

This first volume details Marcus' introduction to the less than welcoming School of Deadly Arts, with its many factions and allegiances. The student body is almost entirely composed of the children of drug lords and assassins from around the globe, so don't expect any cheerful Harry Potter-like scenes of golden lit fraternity round a roaring fire. These are kids with chips on their shoulders and blood on their hands. Still, we get to see kids just being kids: lying about their families, having crushes, making bad interpersonal decisions, maybe taking way too much acid, and this being 1987, discussing how great the Smiths are. That, and killing homeless people for a class assignment.

The final arc of this volume deals with Marcus and his new friends taking an ill advised trip to Las Vegas, which goes as well as you would expect.

I am a fan of Deadly Class' writer, Rick Remender, and he does not disappoint. My only criticism of the book would be one character out to murder Marcus (get in line, pal) that just goes a little too far on the Edgy Meter. Aside from that, Remender creates a cast that is fascinating and unsettling. The art by Wes Craig is perfect for this book, and his action scenes are just a joy to stare at in wonder, complemented by Lee Loughridge's page-popping colours.

For a comic about murder and the horrors of society, Deadly Class is a beautiful book. The perfect gift for the lonely outsider in your life.